Antonym: the opposite of nostalgia is a memoir of a Filipinx American childhood that interweaves music and movement, taking an imaginative approach to interdisciplinary performance and music composition. It investigates the subtle yet profound experiences that shape identity.

By excavating seemingly insignificant but deeply ingrained memories, Antonym envisions the future as an escape from pain and ponders how we can possess painful memories without being beholden to them. Using field recordings of New York City to create a rich sonic landscape, the four seasons serve as a cyclical frame and context for memory.

"Antonym" invites audiences to reflect on their own relationships with memory, identity, and imagining their own futures. Awarded 2021 MAP Fund, 2022 New Music USA Project Grant, 2022 NPN Creation and Development Grant with co-commissioners Living Arts Tulsa, High Concept Labs, and National Sawdust, and 2024 NEFA NTP Creation & Touring Grant Finalist.

Composer/Choreographer: Sugar Vendil. Director: Mei Ann Teo. Performers/collaborators: flutist/dancer Annie Nikunen, violinist Cindy Lan, Marie Lloyd Paspe, and Annie Wang. Thanks to violinists Natalie Calma and Hajnal Pivnick, flutist Laura Cocks, and vocalist/performer Thea Little for their contributions in the development of this project.

Upcoming Presentations
January 11, 2025 at 1:45pm-2:05pm: Pentacle Tour Ready Lab at New York City Center, Studio 5. RSVP

Past
October 11, 2024: Living Arts Tulsa, Tulsa, OK (showing)
March 23, 2024: National Sawdust, Brooklyn, NY (showing)
March 24, 2023: POP Showing at Gibney Agnes Varis Center
August 25, 2023: Showing at High Concept Labs, Chicago, IL
September 25, 2023: Movement Research @ Judson, New York, NY

About the above excerpt: MR @ Judson Showing featuring Antonym: ii. Lullaby and iv. DESKS. (Were you, too, a bored child in a real estate office?) Contributing choreography by Cindy Lan, Marie Lloyd Paspe, Sugar Vendil, and Annie Wang. Performed by Cindy Lan, Marie Lloyd Paspe, Annie Nikunen, and Sugar Vendil. Videographer: Mackenna Finch

MEDIA

Project Background
Nostalgia is often associated with childhood. For me, the weather can evoke childhood memories of joy, sadness, or fear. The weather would often be a factor in my state of happiness or unhappiness, and we often remember what the weather was like the day a traumatic event happened. . Warm weather reminds me of sitting out at recess so that my skin would not tan (dark skin is undesirable in Filipino culture), being bored in my parents’ office in the summer; fall reminds me of back to school, the end of my loneliness; winter, the annual visit by my Kuya, who was banished to the Philippines and to whom I often wrote to twice a day, squeezed in all the big brother activities over a couple of weeks each year.

Cultural identity isn’t the primary theme of “Antonym,” but the more I reminisce, I realize deep-seeded cultural issues affected my upbringing and will inevitably make their way in. A recent piece I made confronts the past, the Philippines’ colonial history and the loss of identity. I am now interested in how we—as humans who have experienced trauma, are descendants of ancestral trauma; who can’t let go of trauma—can possess painful memories without being beholden to them.

Special thanks to Mabou Mines 2019 Resident Artist Program and High Concept Labs.

Credits
Mabou Mines - performed by Laura Cocks, flute; Hajnal Pivnick, violin; Sugar Vendil, piano. Video by Stephanie Acosta. Costumes by Mimi Prober.
High Concept Labs Residency - Performed by Laura Cocks, flute; Natalie Calma, violin; and Sugar Vendil, pianist